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Monday, June 2, 2014

A friend of mine sent this in my e-mail. Sooo inappropriately funny (and true for us women) I just had to start your Monday off with a bit of realistic humor . . .

 Stress Management for Women!  This is absolutely wonderful!!!!
A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience with a raised glass of water. Everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, 'half empty or half full?'  She fooled them all .... "How heavy is this glass of water?" she inquired with a smile.  Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
"If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "and that's the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."
"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced. So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night.
1 * Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue!
2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet just in case you have to eat them.
3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
4 * Drive carefully... It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.
5 * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
8 * Never buy a car you can't push.
9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
10 * Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
11 * Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.
13 * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
15 * Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.
16 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
17 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
18 * Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today.
19 * Save the earth..... It's the only planet with chocolate!
Today someone asked me if I liked you.  I laughed and said, "Ha!  That's funny!  I absolutely LOVE that woman!  She's funny, caring, crazy as heck, sweet, beautiful, she's reading this e-mail right now and I love her!" 
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh, Oh, SHE's UP!"


Author R. Mac Wheeler said...

17 ... be happy

Julie Dao said...

I loved this. What a great way to think about managing stress. Time to put down all the glasses of water I've been holding!

Hart Johnson said...

"5 * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague." HA!

Fun advice here! I manage to let go of stress pretty easily, but that might be the delusional, 'not my fault' thing.

Pat Hatt said...

lol but I don't want to be the statue, the statue gets **it on lol

JL Stratton said...

Hey, how does this author know that Earth is the only planet with chocolate? In my universe, all the planets have chocolate.

Michael Offutt, Phantom Reader said...

I like the advice about the $20.00. This is a great post; so filled with wisdom.

D.G. Hudson said...

I took a stress management course once, and was late arriving, so I got there in fine shape to learn how to manage it. The main nugget of truth I gleaned from this 3 day course was the question to ask 'is anyone going to die if I don't do this whatever thing at work or home?' If the answer is no, then don't worry about it.

I have reminded myself of that phrase many times. It helps put the problem in perspective. No one has died YET because of something I didn't do.

Michael Di Gesu said...

Hi, Donna,

This was hysterical! I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing and the Monday LAUGH!!!

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Great advice to deal with stress. I wish I could think of ways to visualize things like that instructor did. Carried the glass for a lot of hours this past week.

Donna Hole said...

Mac: I agree, that one is sooo you :)

Julie: take a breather, you deserve it.

Hart; well, enjoy the delusion as long as you can. You know the phrase 'fake it til you make it.' Good luck with ABNA.

Pat: I'm sure the Cat can come up with some kind of protection! But you never stay still long enough to be **it on.

JL: lol, I'm sure they do. We humans love to be unique though.

Mike: I've had a few of those $20 situations. Well worth it :)

Michael: Hey Love, nice to see you surface again. Missed you.

Susan: Ah, sorry your weekend wasn't more pleasant. You are creative though, I'm sure you found a way to make a positive outcome.


DEZMOND said...

now those are some truly good pieces of advice!

Mark Koopmans said...


That was an awesome list and I love the humor/honesty blended in :)

Whilst grabbing my ManCard, I am going to remember more than a few of them :)

And I would add one more:

No matter how hard your day, the giddy laughter of a happy child meeting you at the door will make it *so* easy to put down the glass of water.

Mina Lobo said...

Hah! It's funny, 'cause it's true. I'm on staycation this month, and just before I read this became self-aware and thought, "Hmmm, it feels good to feel peaceful." So yeah, wise and witty words, for sure. Point #5 cracked me up. :-)

Lorelei said...

Oh, this was really good! How can I share this list? It's wonderful, and funny, and true at the same time.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Donna .. a week late will do too ... what fun .. and oh yes look after the earth - it has chocolate and lots of other goodies.

Great post and the glass of water test is good too .. cheers Hilary

Rachna Chhabria said...

I loved this post, Donna. Yep, the more we carry our stress the heavier it becomes.

Nilanjana Bose said...

Nothing more appropriate. No 5 my fav :)