The blog content here is not always family friendly. I OCCASIONALLY write/review in erotica, extreme violence, horror, foul language and otherwise questionable content. I will warn the readers when this content occurs.



Wednesday, October 30, 2013

My excerpt for Write..Edit...Publish October Haunting is titled DO YOU LOVE ME FOREVER and inspired by Meatloaf's PARADISE BY THE DASHBOARD LIGHTS. You can play the video while you read, or maybe just the mentioned name will start your juices in the right direction,lol. No kid's Hocus Pocus Halloween for me!

The below excerpt is sexually explicit and grisly. Don't read if you are morally or religiously sensitive, but if you enjoy the Friday the 13th movies, you might like this. I'll understand if you pass by without comment.

And, its over word count at 1082. I cut it down a lot through editing :)

* * *
The itching is worse at night.

It’s hard to toss and turn into a comfortable position when the lower half of my body is missing. All positions are unbalanced. I understand why a newborn can be content wrapped in a cocoon of blankets. My nighttime caregiver, Dwayne, tucks me in tight every night before he retires to his own bed to await my screams.

Curled on my left side as I've done since I was a toddler, I almost feel my missing legs push the stumps of my thighs into my stomach, my cold feet freeze my ass. No amount of blankets warm the non-existent limbs.

The endless hours tick past as I wait. Finally I feel myself doze, and in my dream, PARADISE BY THE DASHBOARD LIGHTS plays on the radio.

Then she slides into bed behind me and whispers in my ear; "Do you love me forever?"

"Yes," I breathe through chattering teeth.

I’m back in time, two years ago, and we’re parked at the boat dock at the Dam. I parked backwards with most of the bed in the water. It isn't deep enough to dive off the tailgate, but our feet sink into the water as we share a six pack and argue over the constellations. Cindy wants to skinny dip, but I’m wary of the reported trash that lurks beneath the surface. Two of my friends had suffered serious foot injuries due to broken glass and other crap dumped in the water. I’m a running back, my foot health is important to my future.

After a while we climb through the window into the cab. It’s Saturday night, and I’m bored with Cindy’s scheming for our future. I’m ready to go, but haven’t made up my mind where. Cindy has stopped talking and puts in a Meat Loaf CD. My Dad used the truck to haul the horse trailer to Napa a few days ago; this must be his music. I don’t like it, but Cindy seems to be getting into the last couple songs.

The night is balmy, barely a breeze through the open windows. Cindy is draped across my lap, her bare feet out the passenger window.  Her manicured fingernails tap and scrape the zipper of my cutoffs.

“Do you really mean that,” she asks. Her breath against my stomach sends shivers from my tailbone up my spine, beginning at my groin. “You’ll love me forever?”

“Of course.”

The promise is a lie. I've already accepted a full football scholarship to UCLA next fall. She’s destined for community college, a vocational certificate the best her attention span can hope for. If she’s smart she’ll enroll in a medical assistant program and sidetrack an intern into marriage. My mom says Cindy has the succulent hips, sweet disposition, and small minded aspirations that are made for babies; so I’m never short of condoms. I’m thinking of the cherry flavored, ribbed naturals in the glove compartment as she unbuttons my fly and nuzzles a kiss into my pubic bone.

I’m just getting into her lips around my dick as my cell phone rings.  I shift around until I can retrieve my phone from my pocket, and I answer around a groan because Cindy hasn't pulled away during my distraction. I love her single-mindedness during sex.

“Frat party at Beta Phi,” Claude yells into my ear. “They've invited new applicants in a ‘get to know you’ bash. I’m here now, and the babes just keep on coming.”

Cindy’s lips speed up and her hand nudges towards my balls. I blow a couple deep breaths as her rhythm shifts, then return my attention to Claude.

“Neither of us are going to Chico next year. Why the invite?”

“The house doesn't know that yet. They do this every year; collect the list of approved applicants and then throw a party in their honor. Early recruiting, I guess. Wanna go?”

I was having problems talking and breathing. My hips are matching Cindy’s rhythm. There’s finger pressure on my prostrate and gentle stroking on my asshole. I was approaching ecstasy, and I didn't care to ask where she learned this stuff.

“I’m busy,” I panted and ended the call.

Bright lights flash across the windshield, then darkness settles once again.

“Shit; Park Rangers are coming this way,” I say to Cindy.

Whatever her answer is vibrates up my shaft. I’m one notch closer to cumming. The darkness shimmers with movement and the rumble of a V6 engine, and it’s ominously bigger than a patrol car. Or patrol SUV. I have a nano-second to think “turn on the lights” as her finger slips into my ass.

Red and white lights slash the night as my body jerks with the best orgasm I've ever had. I’m screaming, and not with pleasure. I know what’s backing into the docking slot my nearly invisible, gun powder black truck occupies. I lift my hands to honk the horn but instead grip the steering wheel as another wave of euphoria racks my body.

“Oh Fuck,” I scream, feeling a tug at my groin at the same time I register the front of my truck collapsing.

I see a huge propeller framed in the windshield, and another crunching sound and backwards wrenching fills my world.

I wake to a watery vision of Cindy’s head floating in front of my face. My dick is in her mouth, and her wildly staring eyes seem to say “what the fuck just happened!”

I look up and burp bubbles as I realize the roof of my truck is missing. I’m drowning and I know it. I burp another bubble of surprised air as my dick floats out of Cindy’s mouth and she seems to smile.

“You will love me forever,” she says, and her lips float closer to my face.

I wake screaming, my body alive with sensation and terror. Dwayne is hovering over me, a syringe in one hand, the other pressing my chest against the bed.

“You want this now,” he asks.

I nod, and instantly feel the sting of the needle.

I don’t always scream out loud with the nightmares, and I don’t always want the comfort of drugged sleep. Sometimes I’d rather feel the ghostly presence of my last lover as opposed to the isolation of my future. But tonight, the full horror is more than I can bear.

Usually a wet dream is all I can achieve; but it’s All Hallows Eve, the only night Cindy and I can ever fully be together.

* * *
As always with a flash fiction excerpt, full critique acceptable. Not sure this will ever go beyond this blogfest, but I learn from your feedback. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.

Click here to visit other Haunting flash fiction excerpts, or to add your own link if you want to participate.


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I got through it. That's not the way I want my last encounter to end, that's for sure.

R. Mac Wheeler said...


Trisha F said...

Holy crap! This was both awesome and horrific at the same time. And yeah, this guy would be haunted forever.

Love the superb creep-factor you put into this.

Great work, Donna!

Pat Hatt said...

Hear that song above on the radio a ton. Good one and wow indeed, poor guy is rather screwed lol


I am now scared for life...
But It was great!

Stacy McKitrick said...

Oh my!

Here's my critique/opinion: I don't believe SHE would have been as distracted and would have pulled away as soon as the truck/boat/whatever hit them. Self-preservation and all that. But you certainly painted a chilling picture!

DEZMOND said...

I read it because wet dreams are mentioned in it :)
I adore MeatLoaf, but in his 90's phase :)

Gwen Gardner said...

Wow, so much promise to be taken away in a flash. It's ironic that he was ready to move on without Cindy, but now she's with him for life. Well done, Donna.

Tony Laplume said...

Enjoyed this one!

Roland D. Yeomans said...

That was ... something. Not what I would want for my last encounter with the fair sex!

Yolanda Renee said...

OMG, that was amazingly horrific! Congratulations! Great haunting story! But talk about distracted! LOL

You win the Halloween prize, for sure!

Trick or Treat and Happy Halloween!

Raquel Byrnes said...

Oh that was so chilling, Donna! Definitely something that will haunt the reader for some time. Very vivid. :)

D.G. Hudson said...

Graphic, and well written. Definitely makes one wince!

Kelly Steel said...

Well told! Spine chilling!

Suze said...

Hey, Donna. Came by as I'm making a point of checking out everyone's WEP contributions. I really appreciate your warning at the beginning! I'll see if I can get up the balls to come back and read it all the way through as I am notoriously squeamish!

Happy Halloween, girl.

M Pax said...

Awesome writing, Donna. A very gripping story. Happy Halloween!

Donna Hole said...

Thanks Alex :)

Hello Mac.

Trish; glad it worked for you.

Pat; Meat Loaf is still one of my favorite groups.

David: ah, you get over it. Just eat some chocolate, lol.

Stacy: my thought was the initial crunch of the boat hitting the truck caused her to bite down and she choked on the dick just before her head came off. Sick, sick, I know :)

Dezzy: glad it captured your attention, lol.

Thanks Gwen and Tony :)

Roland; well, if her ghost would go away perhaps that would be his last encounter, lol.

Yolanda; have a wonderful Halloween night :)

Thanks Raquel, DG, and Kelly.

Suze: don't worry if it isn't your style to read, no pressure.

Thanks Mary; Happy Halloween to you too.


Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

I wanted to stop reading but I couldn't. I didn't want to know but I had to finish. Great creepy, horrible terrible factor for Halloween.

Christine Rains said...

Intense and dark! I liked it. That song goes perfectly with it too.

Cate Masters said...

That was intense, Donna. I got caught up in it, and couldn't stop reading.

Vesper said...

This is some strong writing here, Donna. Not an easy read, but very well done, with good characterization. Very intense.

Jenny Brigalow said...

This story definitely has the WOW factor for me. Gritty and gruesome. And so unhappily human. Absolutely riveting. So pleased you shared this. And I love Meatloaf.

Denise Covey said...

Hi Donna. Well, you warned me, but the horror of it was gripping! Judging by the comments, everyone felt the same way. Too gruesome for words. Great set up...wondered where this story would go. So many unique touches - the truck in the water - the tragedy etc. Some picture in my mind I think I'll never erase THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Horror is certainly your thing! I believe it now!

As always, thank you for joining in the 'fun'! As you're going off the grid I guess you won't be joining us in November, but it would be interesting to hear what you've been writing - SHARING!!

Happy November Donna! I'm already...not...to get NaNo-ing.

See ya via email, Partner,


Donna Hole said...

Susan: what a compliment! to keep you reading when you want to put it down, lol.

Christine; it was the perfect model to work with.

Thanks Cate, appreciate the praise.

Vesper: I'm blushing now, thank you.

Jenny: gritty and gruesome was exactly what I'd hoped for feedback :)

Denise; I'm glad it lived up to your expectations. And yes, I love writing horror. See you in e-mails :)


Shannon Lawrence said...

Ack! Intense, sad, morbid. I wanted so badly to honk the horn for him or turn the lights on. In a twisted way, it was a happier ending for her than it might have been, depending upon how much she loved him.

Shannon at The Warrior Muse

Lexa Cain said...

It rocked! You captured the teen-think and characterizations perfectly. Funny, I would've bet I was reading one of my CP's work. She's great and just wrote a whole novel like this, except not quite so ghastly because it's Contemp not Horror. The only thing that confused me was the end. I didn't get how he and Cindy could be "fully" together and how Halloween fit into that. Oh, and I've always loved that Meatloaf song. Great choice! ;-)

Misha Gericke said...

Whoa that's both hot and horrifying.

Michael Offutt, Phantom Reader said...

A fine piece of work, Donna. It hits all the right notes with me.

Chris Fries said...

Good thing he didn't die -- then he would have came and went at the same time...

Very creepy and captivating story, and I liked the reference to the meatloaf tune. Now he's praying for the end of time.

And a side note: If you absolutely had to cut more, you could trim some of the phone call -- it didn't really add anything. He could have just been sitting there with his eyes closed, distracted enough by the.. um... encounter, that he didn't notice the truck and boat.

Happy Halloween!

Cherie Reich said...

Wow! What a great piece! It definitely has that Friday the 13th feel to it too!

Laura said...

Oh wow, and ouch! Poor guy.

Scheherazade said...

That was gruesome, violent and chilling for sure. Very well-written. I particularly love the character's not very flattering assessment of his girl friend. Nevertheless, she is his companion forever.

Jen Chandler said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jen Chandler said...

Whoops! Sorry about that :)

Woah. Not the way I'd want anyone to go. Horrific, for sure! Very well written and riveting.


Sally said...

I'm glad you put the warning up first. I did read it all the way through.

Lisa said...

The World According to Garp had a scene similar to this, car parked in the driveway in front of the garage, guy sitting, girl in process, and she takes it off when they get hit from behind. Ewww! Thought you did this version very well. Easy to read and boy, I feel for the guy. He wasn't much to like, but I don't think anyone deserves that "final" sexual ending!

Kate Larkindale said...

This is awesome! So creepy.... But also a little weird because I just wrote a novel about the same subject. Funny, huh?

Kate Larkindale said...

This is awesome! So creepy.... But also a little weird because I just wrote a novel about the same subject. Funny, huh?

N. R. Williams said...

Well, you won't catch me watching or reading explicit horror or sex but you are my friend and I survived. I thought you did a great job with the tension. Scary for sure.

Suze said...

Okay, I still didn't work up the guts to read the passage but I've been reading people's comments and getting the gist and Chris Fries' first line made my grimace and laugh at the same time.

Deniz Bevan said...

Wow, I was *not* expecting that. She's horrible! What a compelling read.

Francine Howarth: UK said...

Holy Shit Donnaaaaaaa! That was real cruel of you to slice and dice him in full blow... Bet this made the boys cringe!! ;)


klahanie said...

Hi Donna,

I told my human not to read your story. As for me, being a mature dog, I was immersed, so to speak, of the words that danced in my head and tingled my mind.

Wet dream? I piddled on my human's bed while he was sleeping.

Happy "Howloween!"

Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar! :)

Li said...

I am squeamish - I read it anyway, and it creeped me out. (Thanks for the warning though!) Seeing Meatloaf makes me want to go right out and rent Rocky Horror! Unfortunately, it's too late now. I'm trapped inside handing out Halloween candy.

E.J. Wesley said...

Totally creepy and fantastic, Donna! Way to go! :D

Happy Halloween!


Donna Hole said...

Shannon: perspective is everything :)

Lexa: well, the veil between life and death is lifted at Halloween. But it was a bit of a last minute line.

Thank you Misha

*winks at Mike*

LOL Chris! What a way to look at it. I should have thought of the phone thing myself.

Thanks Cherie

Hi Laura

Thanks Linda. I loved your submission.

Jen: me neither.

Thanks Sally; nice to see you.

Lisa; that's probably where I got the idea myself.

Kate: proves there is nothing new to write, just new versions :)

Thanks Nancy; I'd forgive you if you didn't read.

Thanks for stopping by anyways Suze.

Hi Deniz

Francine: I hope it made the boys cringe, lol.

Penny: I like that it made you piddle, lol. Now Gary will remember me for a long time :)

Li: Meatloaf and Rocky Horror do make a good combination.

Thanks EJ.

I hope everyone had a wonderfully spooky Halloween :)


Nilanjana Bose said...

Whoa! That was deadly, Donna! I think I am too dumbstruck to comment any further :) I'll just read one more time...

Pk Hrezo said...

Wow. Orgasm and mutilation all at once. Now that's intense!
Sort of reminded me of that movie Boxing Helena. Ever see it? Wow. I saw it once when I was like 20 and it's stuck with me ever since.
Great job with this Donna!

The Armchair Squid said...

Reminds me of a line from Scrubs about the worst possible consequences of sex...

Charmaine Clancy said...

Imagining a lot of boy wincing when they get to that end ;)

Very well written, as always, and I love Meatloaf, although that song may sound a little different to me from now on.

Anna Nordeman said...

Saturday, November 2nd, 2013

Dear Donna,

I don't understand this story. But maybe it's just as well.

You are an excellent writer, Donna. Why do waste your time with such trash?

You are probably smarter than I am and know that this is what people want to read. Your post gets 50 comments to my 10.

But it is so sad.
Your talent is worth better.

Thank you for visiting and commenting on my story.

Your friend,
For the benefit of other readers:

Anna's WEP-Challenge for October: Haunting

Donna Hole said...

Nila; you make me smile :)

PK: thanks for the movie recommendation.

Charmain: well, just visualize a zombie puppy while listening to this in the future, lol.

Anna: Thanks for stopping by, and thanks for offering feedback.


J.L. Campbell said...

Donna, I think you outdid yourself on this one.

Vividly written and really sad. So much promise at the beginning and I almost dislike him for what he's thinking, but understand that he wants all the future has to offer.

Definitely understand why this nightmare will haunt him for life. You captured his ecstasy-distraction-horror so well.

Joylene Nowell Butler said...

Wow. And I mean WOW! Excellent, Donna. Truly.

Tammy Theriault said...

whoa girl...whoa. i had to skim read a few parts, i'm sure you know which...but you have great, dare I say, imagery details that create this story well in my head.
no pun intended...
you have always been such a delightful yet very intense surprise as a writer friend. love it!

Elliot Grace said...

...as always, the writing is strong, but, wow, color me scary ;)

Enjoy the hiatus!